Sunday, March 25

The REAL Secret

Yesterday I had an absolutely marvelous day. It didn't start that way, but I was hell bent on having a good day so I rolled with the flow. I acted like all the worries and insecurities of the world just didn't exist AT ALL.

I thought I'd try this approach to life based on some surprising information shared by two members of my women's circle. These sixty-ish ladies plow through life with their own agenda, oblivious to daily upsets. They had no problem sharing their secret--I had to ask!

It appears you should have fun in life and do what makes you happy. And the key to a successful marriage is food and sex. Sounds so simple… why hadn't I thought of that?

I might occasionally get distracted by those three 20-something children we have whose lives I cannot make perfect. That individual up the road that is hell-bent on being the social coordinator and Queen of Unsolicited Advice might be crowding me a bit, too. Well, yesterday I let all that go.

I started planning dinner at about noon or so. I gave my other half the needed attention (he called it "spontaneous combustion") and went out to trim the hedges ignoring the fact that I have no hedgetrimers. Piss on it--I can do just fine with my clippers.

I cleared out the garden when my other half fired up the tiller and said he would run it, if I cleared the garden out. I played "gopher" and fetched the tools he asked for--enjoying the walk up the hill, back to the house--maybe 3 times. I dutifully sat on the hillside and watched my other half cut down a big ass dead tree. (I don't understand that one, but for some reason, a wife is needed to watch these things.)

I pulled off a apple bourbon pork roast and some Cajun roasted potatoes, despite the fact there were five or six young men in their 20s playing VERY LOUD MUSIC in the studio. I pulled it off so well, they didn't even realize we had had dinner! I have found that young men are like strays… if you feed them, they will never go home.

I did break that last rule when my stepson (soon to be 24!) mentioned he had not eaten anything all day and was looking a bit faint. I gave him the old analogy about gasoline and cars and how food is the fuel your body must have to keep going. I hope he listened and understood. Then I served up cheese and crackers and hot beef dip. After he and a friend inhaled ALL OF IT, along with a pitcher of lemonade, while standing over the island in the kitchen, they left. That's when I was struck with the reality of what those two wise women had told me….

Men really only need two things to be utterly, completely happy: food and sex.

6 comments:

anna said...

Food, sex and having someone watch them when they down a big ass tree.

(un)relaxeddad said...

When we're really knackered, we'll settle for food. But don't tell anyone.

slouching mom said...

what about books to read while on the can? that strikes me as pretty damn important.

slouching mom said...

what about books to read while on the can? that strikes me as pretty damn important.

KathyR said...

LOL to slouching mom: newspapers suffice in our house. But then I have to go in there and fetch them out.

Dinner sounded pretty darn good. And I will take your advice and try to avoid feeding my son's friends. How is it possible that two of them can MORE than double the noise?

blackbird said...

K has often told me:
it's all money and sex, bb, money and sex...

of course, he IS an extraordinary cook.