Don't Let The Sonofabitches Get You Down

I had a dream the other night.

I dreamt the world was a happy place. No phone calls from long lost friends inquiring about your level of happiness--no worried looks from relatives.

Is there such a place?

We have all learned--at least by our mid twenties--that the world offers constant challenges.

Suck it up and deal with it.

After the last exam on Tuesday evening, the city-girl daughter and I tried our hand at Scrabble.


We're dong much better these days with our wordpower. See the word SEVERE??

She was curious about how we would fare after yet another semester of college.

I wish I had finished school in my twenties. I know now what a difference it would have made in the last 30 years of my life. I am thankful to have finshed at whatever age--but still have this nagging thought in the back of my mind about how it would have altered things.

But still, an accomplishment is an accomplishemnt--and I am thankful for those who realize the effort involved. Thank you for so very much--Momo and Pop.

I spoke to an old friend the other day who told me how proud her children were when she graduated--and how her husband had tears of happiness for her...

I can only imagine how wonderful that must have been for her.

I am graduating Thursday--and then I must test for the Cisco certification (CCNA), Cheeer me on folks. I really need the encouragement. My oldest--the city-girl daughter-just doesn't understand why I am not more confident.

I guess I am just tired...

Is There No Shame?

Not knowing if I was 40 hours or 20 this week, I prepared last weekend by doing all my homework for the coming week, catching up the laundry and most of the housecleaning. So what do I do with unexpected time off?

Trim the dog...

And settle in for a little light reading.

The Cosby book, Come On People, is wonderful. While the book's criticism may have been aimed at the irresponsibility of young black men, I don't believe the bad habits are isolated to any given race.. or gender, for that matter! I'm loving what he has to say:

We and the others in our generation weren't saints. We'll be first to admit that... But something called "parenting" had wormed its way into our heads from the time we were still in the womb, said to us If you get caught stealing it, you're going to embarrass your mother.
The voice didn't say You're going to get your butt kicked. We knew that already and expected that from experience. No, that inner voice said You're going to embarrass your mother. You're going to embarrass your family.

Today is election day and the city-girl will be home from school in about 30 minutes. She and I plan on tackling the local DMV to get her Virginia-legal.

After that, we're going to vote. This will be her first time! How lucky am I for being able to be a part of that?

And shame on you, if you don't go vote.

Nasty Little Brain Invaders

The last exam was taken yesterday. I went prepared, but still felt the anxiousness that accompanies any test of memory or mind function. I've come to realize it has more to do with my emotions rather than knowledge of any given subject.

I have to ward off thoughts of defeat. I take deep breaths and shake off self-limiting ideas so the words I'm reading make sense. Last semester, I even went so far as to request an instructor double space his tests in an effort to keep the questions from running together.

Today my Jeni is taking regional exam boards. I feel anxiousness for her--1400 miles away.

I hope she has the ability to focus entirely on the present moment. I want her brain to be so full of what is right in front of her that there is no space for the what happens next.

Its the outcome of what's before us that generally creates the anxiety anyway.

Learning From The Animal Kingdom

I think today I'll take the birds eye view of the world.
I'll be sure to take time to soak in the wonder and beauty of nature.

Maybe instead of putting 3 wheelbarrows of compost and mulch
on the garden, I'll just sit on the hillside and admire the view.

I might even nap.

If the sun gets too warm, I'll find some shade.

And if I have to run errands, I'll make the time to really look
at what I usually take for granted along the way.

Timing Is Everything

I didn't have any business being there in the first place.

That was always Pop's viewpoint when I was a teenager and found myself caught up in some "less than desirable" circumstances. I think now--a hundred years later--I understand what he was trying to get through to me. Perhaps he wanted me to think through the possible outcomes, before I got involved and the situation became precarious.

I didn't do anything too terribly awful--wrecked a couple of cars, got arrested once, and had a short marriage to a fellow that turned out to be a junkie--before I realized the path I was traveling needed to change.

It wasn't an easy realization as I remember, either. Getting away from that marriage was an endurance test that involved the entire family. Shortly thereafter, I joined the Air Force.

That's when I learned the most about myself:

1. I learned we can do anything if we believe we can.
   
2. It's true there is strength in numbers, but be careful who you pick to be on your team.
3. It's never too late for a new strategy.
   

But the single most important thing I learned is that the mind really is our strongest defense against anything.