The REAL Secret

Yesterday I had an absolutely marvelous day. It didn't start that way, but I was hell bent on having a good day so I rolled with the flow. I acted like all the worries and insecurities of the world just didn't exist AT ALL.

I thought I'd try this approach to life based on some surprising information shared by two members of my women's circle. These sixty-ish ladies plow through life with their own agenda, oblivious to daily upsets. They had no problem sharing their secret--I had to ask!

It appears you should have fun in life and do what makes you happy. And the key to a successful marriage is food and sex. Sounds so simple… why hadn't I thought of that?

I might occasionally get distracted by those three 20-something children we have whose lives I cannot make perfect. That individual up the road that is hell-bent on being the social coordinator and Queen of Unsolicited Advice might be crowding me a bit, too. Well, yesterday I let all that go.

I started planning dinner at about noon or so. I gave my other half the needed attention (he called it "spontaneous combustion") and went out to trim the hedges ignoring the fact that I have no hedgetrimers. Piss on it--I can do just fine with my clippers.

I cleared out the garden when my other half fired up the tiller and said he would run it, if I cleared the garden out. I played "gopher" and fetched the tools he asked for--enjoying the walk up the hill, back to the house--maybe 3 times. I dutifully sat on the hillside and watched my other half cut down a big ass dead tree. (I don't understand that one, but for some reason, a wife is needed to watch these things.)

I pulled off a apple bourbon pork roast and some Cajun roasted potatoes, despite the fact there were five or six young men in their 20s playing VERY LOUD MUSIC in the studio. I pulled it off so well, they didn't even realize we had had dinner! I have found that young men are like strays… if you feed them, they will never go home.

I did break that last rule when my stepson (soon to be 24!) mentioned he had not eaten anything all day and was looking a bit faint. I gave him the old analogy about gasoline and cars and how food is the fuel your body must have to keep going. I hope he listened and understood. Then I served up cheese and crackers and hot beef dip. After he and a friend inhaled ALL OF IT, along with a pitcher of lemonade, while standing over the island in the kitchen, they left. That's when I was struck with the reality of what those two wise women had told me….

Men really only need two things to be utterly, completely happy: food and sex.