All Things Must Pass

The last time I saw my spider friend was 48 hours ago. I think she has moved on. I'm thinking she has grown tired of all the attention and the flash from my camera.

I read up a bit about the Orb spider. From what I understand, patience is not her strong suit. It seems that sometimes the female Orb spider will kill the male if he fumbles (or is not quite as skilled as she would like) during foreplay. She has a zero tolerance.

My oldest daughter's response-- when I shared this with her-- was "Right on... "

This next generation has zero tolerance in so many relationship areas... and I am so proud. My generation still has a bit of that bite-your-tongue-and-just-ignore-it going on.

But, I have learned to pick my battles. And I have learned "he who walks away from a fight, lives to fight another day."

So are you fighting... or picking your battles?

You've Got A Friend...

My favorite book states very clearly, early on, that life is all about struggles. I know that sounds a bit depressing, but there's more.

Rather than let those struggles swallow us up, we should be perfecting our coping abilities. And that, my dear, is the stuff that defines our character... how we deal with life's ups and downs.
I've owned several copies. Each one has found its way into the hands of someone I felt could benefit from all those highlighted paragraphs and dog-eared pages.

One copy, I'm sure, I sent home with my oldest daughter after one of her visits. It's a three-hour plane ride from here to DFW , so I felt confident that she would feel compelled to pass the time with this book given to her at the last minute at the airport. She's a reader, for sure.

I pulled this trick several times on her and her younger sister. Before a visit, I'd find a "thinking" book and read it before they arrived, highlighting what I thought would be of benefit. Then, when they started looking for something to read on the plane, I'd offer it up. I knew--at the very least--they'd read what I had highlighted.

It's always better if you can learn the lesson yourself, whether it be reading the written word or through the trials and tribulations of first hand experience. It is through the pain of confronting and solving problems that we learn.

First hand experiences define who we are, what we like and dislike, what we want and what we absolutely cannot tolerate any longer.

There comes a point in everyone's life when talking to yourself--whether out loud or mentally-- is inevitable. The words have to be spoken. The decisions have to made. The only way your life is going to improve is when you decide to improve it. There's just no easy way to make it happen.

So the plans are laid out. The decisions are made--and off you go!

But you're not alone. You have made friends with yourself.

Casting Shadows

I love early morning when the shadows stretch long across the yard,
forcing you to see things you hadn't even noticed before now.

Who's Your Mama?

Used to be Mother's Day was all about me.
From the time I woke up till the time I turned in that evening, I was reminded it was my day and I was supposed to relax and take it easy. I was showered with big hugs and wet kisses all day long.

Time changes everything. (Photo at left is Momo--some 30 years ago.)

I'm no longer married to the girls' father. No one in this state calls me "Mama."

I have a stepson, but it has been brought to my attention several times that "he already has a mother." Enough said.




I miss my girls.


It's been 5 months since I've seen them--hugged them. They're all grown and have their own lives and I'm aching for the little girls I had a hundred years ago.

This Mother's Day will be spent having breakfast with the outlaws. Then I'll track down Momo and Pop and share some hugs and kisses.

Playing Fetch

How does an almost blind dog play fetch? He listens well and travels a known path.

Suck It Up & Get It Done

I faced the music, so to speak, yesterday and did placement tests so I could make my third attempt at completing my college education. The results were as I had expected. The majority of my classes will transfer. But I still have to do 4 maths. I hate math.

My other half told me math would increase my capacity to learn. No doubt. Anything that you have absolutely no interest in--when tackled--is a real brain challenge. We're programmed with our likes and dislikes. We know what excites us and what disgusts us. And the bulk of the time, we are the boss and make the decisions. Maybe I'm put out because someone else is running the show and telling me what classes I must have in order to complete my degree.

I'm not even sure why, at this point in my life, I feel compelled to finish. I just feel like this is what I need to do.

Inspired by a sense of outrage, Jane Stillwater, a 64-year-old self-described "flower child, 4o years later" ate peanut butter sandwiches for months to save for a ticket to Kuwait. She then convinced a small Texas newspaper to help her secure press accreditation and boarded a troop transport to Baghdad.

This grandmother, with no formal journalistic training, reports from Baghdad via blog. (You can see all posts here.) Her local city councilman had this to say,"Having know her for many years and seen her do things that nobody else would think of taking on... she's a pretty irrepressible force of humor and passion."

I can't think of any better compliment.

And On The Third Day, We Slept

This handsome fellow, Elijah Blue, has just recently decided his first potty break of the day should occur between 3 and 4 am.

He has planted himself beside my bed and stared me awake. Ever felt the intensity of someone staring at you? Perhaps it was the squeaking and sneezing, coupled with the staring that woke me.

At any rate, I stumble out of bed, gather my slippers and bathrobe and head to the east stoop. He's out the door like a greyhound at the track. Lord have mercy, I am so glad I let him out!

After he's out, I go to the kitchen...may as well make coffee since I'm up. I really wish I were one of those people who could go back to sleep, but I'm not. Once I'm up, I'm up for the duration. Besides that, I can't go back to sleep until Blue is back inside...

I always cut on the big floodlight in the backyard so I can see him running from behind the studio, around the garden, over to the guest house and back up the west side of the house. Once I see him heading my way, I go around to the kitchen porch on the north side of the house and cut that light on.

The lights are more for my benefit. Blue has limited vision is his left eye and no vision in his right. We had been here a few years before this happened so he became comfortable with the surroundings. If you were to watch him running around in the yard, you'd have no idea his vision is impaired. Maybe...

He puts on a really good show. Reminds me of the figure skaters who hit the ice and then swiftly get up and act like it was all part of the routine. He occasionally bumps into things, backs up, and decides on an alternate path. Bless his heart.

Bless his heart, indeed. After 2 days of this crazy 3 in the morning stuff, my other half and I decided last night that we're not to going to let Blue nap so maybe he'll sleep longer and we can sleep longer. So last night, everytime Blue went belly up, we called him. Everytime Blue wanted to go stretch out on his pillow, we called him. By 9 pm or so, Blue's getting a bit weary having missed out on some good quality nap time since his humans won't leave him alone. This whole scenario is so very reminiscent of a new baby in the house!

I finally turned in about 10:30 when my own lack of sleep had taken its toll. But the miraculous thing is, I woke up to the sneezes and squeaks of Mr. Blue at 5:30!!!

I guess his little body clock just needed some fine tuning.

The Winds of Change

Here's one of my "big dogs" adapting to the cold wind.

She's usually sprawled out on the hillside looking like she's just killed over for her morning nap.

Yesterday, when Mother Nature decided to trade our 80 degree temps for something closer to 45, Lucky felt more inclined to take shelter from the wind behind the remnants of a stump.

The REAL Secret

Yesterday I had an absolutely marvelous day. It didn't start that way, but I was hell bent on having a good day so I rolled with the flow. I acted like all the worries and insecurities of the world just didn't exist AT ALL.

I thought I'd try this approach to life based on some surprising information shared by two members of my women's circle. These sixty-ish ladies plow through life with their own agenda, oblivious to daily upsets. They had no problem sharing their secret--I had to ask!

It appears you should have fun in life and do what makes you happy. And the key to a successful marriage is food and sex. Sounds so simple… why hadn't I thought of that?

I might occasionally get distracted by those three 20-something children we have whose lives I cannot make perfect. That individual up the road that is hell-bent on being the social coordinator and Queen of Unsolicited Advice might be crowding me a bit, too. Well, yesterday I let all that go.

I started planning dinner at about noon or so. I gave my other half the needed attention (he called it "spontaneous combustion") and went out to trim the hedges ignoring the fact that I have no hedgetrimers. Piss on it--I can do just fine with my clippers.

I cleared out the garden when my other half fired up the tiller and said he would run it, if I cleared the garden out. I played "gopher" and fetched the tools he asked for--enjoying the walk up the hill, back to the house--maybe 3 times. I dutifully sat on the hillside and watched my other half cut down a big ass dead tree. (I don't understand that one, but for some reason, a wife is needed to watch these things.)

I pulled off a apple bourbon pork roast and some Cajun roasted potatoes, despite the fact there were five or six young men in their 20s playing VERY LOUD MUSIC in the studio. I pulled it off so well, they didn't even realize we had had dinner! I have found that young men are like strays… if you feed them, they will never go home.

I did break that last rule when my stepson (soon to be 24!) mentioned he had not eaten anything all day and was looking a bit faint. I gave him the old analogy about gasoline and cars and how food is the fuel your body must have to keep going. I hope he listened and understood. Then I served up cheese and crackers and hot beef dip. After he and a friend inhaled ALL OF IT, along with a pitcher of lemonade, while standing over the island in the kitchen, they left. That's when I was struck with the reality of what those two wise women had told me….

Men really only need two things to be utterly, completely happy: food and sex.

Absolutely, Positively

The persistence of negativity is a constant in human life. Just when you think everything is fine--up it will pop again-- sprouting through some crack in the pavement of day to day living. Garden-variety lies and deceit are the most common and persistent, but should be rooted out just as diligently.

You must be resolved against negativity - whether in your social or professional life, or in your own soul. In either case, definite rules must be followed for the struggle to succeed.

The first rule: Do not attempt to compromise with evil. Negative actions must be identified openly for just what they are, and immediately discredited.

The second: You cannot resist negativity on its own terms. New, positive alternatives which lead away from the source of the problem are generally more successful and appropriate, than to counter negativity with raw power.

The third rule: The means used to counter negativity must be consistent with the end to be achieved. You can't stop the bad behavior with knee-jerk responses. Take a breath and think before you react.

I tend to think of negativity in terms of weeds in the garden... Weeds are inevitable. But with preparation and planning, you can keep them at bay, ensuring growth of the good things you had planned.

Forever Young

Recent research has determined that dogs have the mentality of an average 2-year-old, according to a report released on the Today show yesterday. I can see that.

In fact, this information has given me an entire new appreciation of my dog, Blue.

His understanding of the English language is limited to a few words that create instantaneous physical reactions... and he does seem to think "it's all about him" and what he wants, when he wants it. Sounds like a small child to me!

Sad thing is, he'll never progress beyond that point. Do you thing that's one of the reasons people have dogs? I mean, our children grow up and move on--but the dog, he might grow bigger, but he never moves out. Perhaps this is our way on holding on to that childhood innocence and adoration we got hooked on when our kids were preschoolers.

I know, I know. I have a tendency to over-analyze.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

Trust your gut instincts and you'll never go wrong. If something just doesn't feel right, it generally isn't right.

Always pay attention to those red flags your mind throws at you.

Repair The Road

I have mentioned this theory I have about the real life space time continuum (versus the one in the Back To The Future movies) and folks look at me like I have 3 heads.

I believe our children are destined to experience much of the same, or similar, instances of our life. Also, with that same thinking in mind--we are destined to experience much of the same trials and tribulations that our parents did.

Now the trick here is--armed with this information--we must alter the space time continuum so that our children can be spared some of the unpleasantness; the heartache, the pain, the grief.

I don't believe there's much we can do about the spilled milk... what has happened has already happened. The path has been laid and they'll just have to deal with what's ahead and we will have to suffer because of what has already been done (sort of like Global Warming).

But... we can change things from this point forward so the path will improve...

Once More... With Feeling

I figured it out!!

My remedial training is male menopause--or manopause, if you want to be all politically correct.

I divorced my girls' father during his manopause. I reacted to his weirdness, decided I wanted no part of it, and fast as my little feet could carry me--moved on. And in all the time since then, whenever the issue is brought up, I just shake my head and sigh--remembering all that happened before, during and after.

I guess I didn't learn anything from the experience. I didn't want to... didn't take the time. In fact, it never crossed my mind to be a part of it!! No matter, because God has seen fit to present male manopause in all its glory, one more time.

My other half, Husband Number Three is turning 50 in the spring. What makes it so difficult is he just realized he's not 20 anymore, within the past year or so.

I know midlife is a shocker. And I sympathize-- and empathize! Instead of the girly existence I had grown so comfortable with, I now know I am middle age. I can feel it in my knees and hands. I can see it when I look in the mirror. It's a battle of hair removal and moisturizer.

I have come to understand my menopause --I'm in my 4th year. If what I've been reading is correct, I'm on the downhill slope. (Woohoo!) So, thank you God, for giving me a bit of experience under my belt with my menopause, before giving me the remedial training with manopause.

And I'm going to put all I have into being just a little more patient, and just a bit more understanding, because I really don't want any more remedial training.

Round Two

You see the way he's looking at me?

I know. I know. Human nature makes us believe if we ignore things they will go away. But we all know that never works.

If we sweep it under the rug, eventually we'll trip over the big fat lump and fall flat on out face. I've tripped once or twice and now the lump in the rug is really getting very annoying.

Problems do not go away. They must be addressed... worked through and resolved. Damnit!

My Mama always says there's no appreciation if you don't have to work hard for it. Nothing comes easily.

I've come to believe that God will give you an opportunity to learn, and if you don't get it, he'll give you another opportunity. With that thought, it would be wise to get it first go round, if possible. I guess I'm just not as wise as I once thought... or maybe just a little more human.

Roadtrip!

This single word can either create squeals of anticipation or the moaning and groaning of dread.

I'm sure when Ms. Astronaut was planning her roadtrip, it made perfect sense and was carefully planned.

I look forward to hearing just what prompted her to chase after a woman who may have been involved with a man that she is somewhat involved with...

Also, how do you think she feels about her trip--and her well-laid plans-- now that it's all said and done.

Hindsight inevitably affords us the opportunity to view events from a fresh perspective.

Round & Round We Go

Life changes quickly. So quickly, that often we don't realize it until after it's done.

I vaguely remember a Tarot card some 5 years ago that warned my current course would alter life as I then knew it. Well, life at that particular time was too full of lawyers and courtrooms, so I welcomed the change.

Five years later, I'm 1400 miles away from the two single most important things in my life… the two things that can make or break my day… my girls.

They opted to stay with their Dad. Nice looking fellow, who could fool even the best into thinking he's an okay guy. He's good company for an evening or two, but not a "long-haul" type of guy. Over time, I have come to realize his real worth was as a sperm donor .

Unforunately, my daughters still have hope that one day they will wake up and he will be that Dad they had hoped he would be along.

I believe in the "what goes around, comes around" concept. That's why the most satisfying interaction with my ex-husband is imaginary.

Besides, I'd rather continue the relationship I started with my daughters the day they were born... the mother-daughter bond that endures.

It bends, may get twisted at times, but never ever breaks.

Sleeping With The Memory

I took a ride with my other half the other day because he wanted to show me something. I became interested when he suggested I bring the camera.

I enjoy sharing landscape photographs with old friends in Texas. I love it when they're envious of the Virginia landscape. The twists and turns of the road provide constant visual stimulation--to say the least!--and the mountains seem to wrap around like a protective barrier.

My daughters have come to appreciate certain aspects of a change of scenery. Old and familiar offers no challenge. Life becomes a drudgery. Bad habits creep in and days run together. Before long, there is no time.

People make time for what is important. Or like my other half philosophies, "People do what they want to do." Maybe the tough part is figuring out what you want to do... or not playing out the many "what ifs" in your head.

Just keep moving. Do something. Then at the end of the day, you can rest peacefully with your memories.

A Ray of Sushine

According to urban legend, two people looking at the same glass can see something entirely different.

As much as we’ve heard this, it’s still a fine example of how our perspective can mar or enhance or day to day living.

Some folks will refer to themselves as postive or optimistic, while other as quick to confess they are "realists..." as if being one way or the other was a permanent characteristic!

The fact remains that we are all capable of changing our perception if we simply make the effort.

On Holiday

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... "

We realize this more during the holiday season--especially during the aftermath of the wild rush that is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Interaction with in-laws and out-laws and relatives can wear you out. Everyone sleeps hard during the holidays... when they finally sleep.

The sleeping patterns of 5 individuals were made abundantly clear this season. Someone was up all the time, I think. Middle of the night trips to the kitchen or bathroom usually involved running into someone else who was either already up, getting up or going back to bed. It made for hot topics of conversation over coffee the next morning. We survived.

Adaptability is a virtue, indeed. My children have been blessed with this. They arrived suitcases in tow, to spend the holidays with their mother and this man she married 5 years ago. The house was quickly transformed into a "girly" house complete with the smells of scented lotions and the giggles and guffaws of two young women enthused over no work or school for a few days. Both pointed out that they were "on holiday."

I like the sound of that. The girls get but a small amount of time off and I am so proud they chose to spend it here. I think I'm most pleased by the comfort level they express in their day to day actions... here in an old house we have made home.

There's a level of respect we all have for one another and for the tight quarters we share over Christmas. An eyebrow may occasionally be raised, looks may pass between one or two--but no harsh words or opinions. I think we all realize we are what we are and we've got what we've got. This is family. What are you going to do with family?

You bend for family. You maintain a certain level of discretion. You let things slide and look at the bigger picture.

But most of all you love them unconditionally.