Friday, October 12

Evolution Over Perfection

The Marriage or Lovers Card in Tarot is a hypothetical crossroad, indicating an opportunity for growth through your choice of relationships.

All through our upbringing, we have been saturated with "happily-ever-after" and other such images which neglect to illustrate the trials and tribulations--the rough spots-- of marriage.

It's no wonder half of marriages end in divorce! Something must definitely be wrong if things just don't fall into place, right?

It used to be a marriage was for life. People married young, grew together and toughed it out. I always enjoy stories from those who have been married a hundred years.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I realize now my first marriage was just a youthful mistake. The second lacked the communication necessary to make it lasting. This time around, I have my eyes wide open.

We communicate honestly--even when it hurts! It takes a bit more thought to put your ideas out there... tactfully and diplomatically.

That's because I truly believe your partner is meant to challenge you emotionally. The challenge is to see whether the two of you can grow--not only grow closer, but to grow as individuals. The point of any relationship is to bring out the best in both. Not one or the other--BOTH.

I find it interesting too, that we are quick to go into great detail about the kids, but husbands and partners are alway presented in this perfect Prince Charming persona. Why is that? Are we still living the fairy tale mentally?

I do have a theory. If you talk good about your husband, or if you talk bad about your husband--either way, he'll prove you wrong.


Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

Amen sister!

Imperatrix said...

I've read that the 50% divorce rate only applies to the Baby Boomer generatio, actually. That in other age groups, the divorce rate is lower.

I agree that too many people don't even try in their marriage: if things aren't easy, they just say, "I'm outta here!" (Or they get married for the wrong reason: one of my sister's friends got married right out of college because her parents wouldn't allow her to live with her boyfriend, so she married him instead. Four years later, they divorced. Living in "sin" would have been a MUCH smarter thing to do.)

On the other hand, the move towards covenant marriages (or whatever they're called) freaks me out, because I think it is important that a woman (or a man) can get out of an abusive situation immediately.

To wrap up this long comment, I'll just say, I agree that a successful marriage is hard work (and you can't just let it coast -- it's hard work for life). But I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.

cce said...

I certainly can't be faulted for making My Better Half out to be Prince Charming. Perhaps I bitch and moan so he will prove me wrong? Still waiting!

slouching mom said...

Ah, but our children can't complain when we skewer them on our blogs!

Our husbands, on the other hand...

Linda and her Surroundings said...

When marriage was first created people died in their mid 40's so by the time husbands and wives annoyed each other life was about over. Now we go on for an extra 40 years - it is a big ask to adore each other the entire event. Takes work and effort and learning to go with the flow. Sometimes it just cannot work regardless of effort. Still, it is one institution that will never disappear or go out of fashion.